Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Stuff College FootBloggers Like

In honor of the Stuff white people like and the other stuff people are liking in their respective colors...

I present stuff college football bloggers like

Profanity: Profanity is what separates bloggers from the Professionals. Why you ask? Because we can say whatever the &%#$ is on our minds.

For instance....

Team A is down at the half and Erin Andrews says "this team came out the locker room calm and seems like they've settled down and are ready to play." Whereas I can say "Team A pulled their head out of their @*# and decided to play." Which do you think is more accurate?

Perfect Example:

That's quality right there folks. Would it been nearly as funny if he had said "Boom! Head shot sucker?"

Not at all. Sportscenter won't show you that. But we will. Repetitively.

Girl Scout Thin Mints: The early months of the year when those pesky little uniformed girls bug us at every major retail store does have one perk: the crack cocaine known as thin mints. You think a sleeve will last you a good few days... Hah!!! Try a few seconds, serf. The Girl Scouts of America have been owning us since before Al Gore invented this thing.

Cliches: Some things just don't ever get old. i.e. the Auburn chop block.

I don't think I'll ever not think an Auburn Chop Block joke is funny

Or the A&M nut squeeze

You see as a result of this... all aggies grab their junk. It's a proven fact.

or here

All Red Raiders.... well you know... with a bell.

Cliches are only old when they're against your team. And that's probably because they're true.

Erin Andrews: Because bloggers the only people who actually appreciate her for her sideline reporting.*

Cheap Bad Beer: Whether it's Orson and Kanu throwing down the Icehouse, or references to Old English, bloggers know all about cheap beer. We like to remember back to the times where we couldn't afford real beer (you know, like keystone) and went for quantity instead of quality. Of course we'd justify it by saying we really like it despite the fact we threw up the first swig of every bottle or can. Cheap alcohol was our friend through the toughest losses in college and was always there for us when that wainch dumped us.

Lou Houlthz: Lou is a constant in our life. When the week has been long and we need some relief, Lou is there. Not only does he remind us of our childhood cartoon favorite, Sylvester the Cat he comes into our living rooms every Thursday with his Locker Room Talk bringing a message of hope that puts Obama to shame.

How can that not just sent shivers down your spine? Let me tell you something. After one of those talks I feel like I could knock Kimbo Slice out in under 30 seconds. Or at least live after the encounter. One or the other. Regardless, bloggers love Lou almost as much as we love...

Lee Corso:
Whether it's checking out Lee's current skin color, or guessing if today is Merkin day, Lee's a constant mainstay of blogging materials. I don't think we could blog about anything if that goofy schmuck didn't stick something on his head ever single Saturday. Heck I wouldn't even wake up before noon if it wasn't for Corso or the fact that I live in the CST and games start at 11 here. Stinking Daywalkers.

Jorts: They're just comfortable. We don't need all the pocket space of cargos. Just leave us alone.

Photoshop and MS Paint: Photoshop does what movies could never do to books. For instance what if I said " Hey, it would be hilarious if I drew a picture of a Spartan kicking Charlie Weis into a pit like in 300, " after MSU beat ND? You'd say "man that would be funny."

But it's nowhere near as funny as actually seeing it.

Or "Dude, Phil Fulmer and Mark Mangino should wrestle. That would be awesome."


Infinitely funnier than me describing it. Thank God for people like LSUFreek that make said things come true.

*That's a lie.

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