SMQ

I do my best to stay fairly unbiased in anything I write or do. I'm an equal opportunity offender I guess you could say. I'll make fun of my team for being a bunch of retards just as quickly as I will another team. Lord knows my team offers enough things to the world to make fun of.

If you can read well enough you can see my title bar contains a great pic taken a few years back of a Texas A&M and Iowa State Game. I tried not to use an Aggie image as this blog will encompass all of the sport, but I thought that was a pretty good one, capturing the whole field.

I say this because SMQ, whom I respect immensely for his writing and analysis has a post up of the anomaly that is Texas A&M football. The reason I call it an anomaly is represented by two quotes he uses

You look at A&M and you wonder why they haven't gotten to the top 5. Texas has since won a national championship. LSU, USC, and Florida. There's no reason A&M is not at that level

- An opposing Big XII Ass. Coach"You're not as good as they are and you're probably never going to be."

and

You're not as good as they are and you're probably never going to be."

- A Nike rep when A&M asked for the same deal

A&M is a school that has the budget, the campus, the facilites, and the talent pool to be a great team year in and year out.

There problem lies with real estate.

Location. Location. Location.

A&M gets some top talent year in and year out. Reggie McNeal had the talent to be a top level QB, but was forced to run the option (not his skill set) his last year. Martellus Bennett was one of the top talents in the country these past three years and you've probably barely heard of him outside of the Big XII. Michael Goodson had less yardage carrying than his QB. So it's not that they can't get the talent. It's that it's shared with Texas, OU, and LSU.

A&M can pull in a couple of 5-star recruits a year, but by the time the recruiting season rolls around Stoops and Brown have already got 4 5-star recruits ready for next year and A&M is just getting around to talking to their first set it seems.

A problem has lied w/ the fact that A&M has fallen on their hard times the same time that OU, LSU, and Texas have come across some of the best coaches in the country. To start beating these guys in the trail they have to start doing it on the field.

The Aggies beat the Longhorns the last two years in two very different fashions. In 2006 they took on Texas' #1 running defense and shoved the ball down the face of the Longhorns one run at a time. Last year it looked like Franchione let somebody else do the play calling as innovative runs, screens and passes fell like rain in College Station. It's a start. If the aggies can start pulling some more upsets over OU and Tech I think things will even out.

McGee should still start and Aggies want to see if the record breaking 3A arm can do any damage his last year. The defense can only get better under Kines. Who rules all, if you weren't aware.

Training

all day today and tomorrow.

We're out.

Orson's got the leader board and some interesting additions for the Fulmer Cup over at EDSBS.com

Gold Jerry Gold

Doug over at Hey Jenny Slater did an outstanding post on Undrafting the NFL
(Getting rid of current players to make your team better)



Some highlights if I may:


9. CINCINNATI BENGALS
The pick: WR Chad Johnson, Oregon State. Obviously, he doesn't want to be there. Cut him so the Redskins can sign him. I mean, so that your team morale improves. That's what I meant to say, team morale.



10. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
The pick: TE Jeremy Shockey, Miami (Fla.). No, they haven't actually signed the poster child for repressed homosexuality yet, but you just know they're gonna. Saints, I'm begging you to stop this danse macabre by pre-emptively un-signing this overrated thimbledick, thereby preventing him from douching up what otherwise looks like it could be a reasonably solid team going into 2008. Haven't the people of New Orleans suffered enough?




13. CAROLINA PANTHERS
The pick: WR Dwayne Jarrett, Southern Cal. I was really pissed when the Panthers drafted him last year rather than his USC teammate -- come on, Panthers, you're afraid of having two Steve Smiths on the roster? That could've been the source of some of the greatest misdirection plays in league history if only you'd given it a chance.


22. CLEVELAND BROWNS
The pick: QB Brady Quinn, Notre Dame. Everyone who thinks Brady Quinn will ever take a meaningful snap for the Browns, raise your hand. (Put your hand down, Brady.)

31. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
The pick: QB Tom Brady, Michigan; WR Wes Welker, Texas Tech; LB Tedy Bruschi, Arizona. As punishment for Spygate, the Pats’ control over the 31st overall pick is taken away and handed over to a three-judge panel consisting of Roger Goodell, me, and my friend Joe who’s a rabid Colts fan; the Patriots also get an additional first-round player taken away from them (and a third taken away solely because of Bill Simmons). These three players are dismissed as part of a tough-love social experiment to see if the Patriots’ legions of suspiciously recent fans will still support them if they don’t have any white players to cheer for.




And saving the best for last:


28. DALLAS COWBOYS
The pick: QBGF Jessica Simpson, J.J. Pearce High School. Yes, this is the obvious joke, but we all know Tony Romo’s brain barely has enough RAM to hold down simple tasks like handling a field-goal snap; even the most blinkered Cowboys fan out there can’t honestly think Chuckles is ever gonna win a playoff game as long as he’s got the added distraction of blond hair and an (admittedly spectacular) pair of tits following him around wherever he goes. Give J-Simp the heave-ho, set Romes up with a chick who looks more like Peter King, and give him a chance to spread his wings and fly, dammit!

Stuff College FootBloggers Like

In honor of the Stuff white people like and the other stuff people are liking in their respective colors...

I present stuff college football bloggers like


Profanity: Profanity is what separates bloggers from the Professionals. Why you ask? Because we can say whatever the &%#$ is on our minds.

For instance....

Team A is down at the half and Erin Andrews says "this team came out the locker room calm and seems like they've settled down and are ready to play." Whereas I can say "Team A pulled their head out of their @*# and decided to play." Which do you think is more accurate?


Perfect Example:


That's quality right there folks. Would it been nearly as funny if he had said "Boom! Head shot sucker?"

Not at all. Sportscenter won't show you that. But we will. Repetitively.

Girl Scout Thin Mints: The early months of the year when those pesky little uniformed girls bug us at every major retail store does have one perk: the crack cocaine known as thin mints. You think a sleeve will last you a good few days... Hah!!! Try a few seconds, serf. The Girl Scouts of America have been owning us since before Al Gore invented this thing.

Cliches: Some things just don't ever get old. i.e. the Auburn chop block.

I don't think I'll ever not think an Auburn Chop Block joke is funny

Or the A&M nut squeeze


You see as a result of this... all aggies grab their junk. It's a proven fact.


or here

All Red Raiders.... well you know... with a bell.

Cliches are only old when they're against your team. And that's probably because they're true.


Erin Andrews: Because bloggers the only people who actually appreciate her for her sideline reporting.*


Cheap Bad Beer: Whether it's Orson and Kanu throwing down the Icehouse, or references to Old English, bloggers know all about cheap beer. We like to remember back to the times where we couldn't afford real beer (you know, like keystone) and went for quantity instead of quality. Of course we'd justify it by saying we really like it despite the fact we threw up the first swig of every bottle or can. Cheap alcohol was our friend through the toughest losses in college and was always there for us when that wainch dumped us.



Lou Houlthz: Lou is a constant in our life. When the week has been long and we need some relief, Lou is there. Not only does he remind us of our childhood cartoon favorite, Sylvester the Cat he comes into our living rooms every Thursday with his Locker Room Talk bringing a message of hope that puts Obama to shame.






How can that not just sent shivers down your spine? Let me tell you something. After one of those talks I feel like I could knock Kimbo Slice out in under 30 seconds. Or at least live after the encounter. One or the other. Regardless, bloggers love Lou almost as much as we love...


Lee Corso: Whether it's checking out Lee's current skin color, or guessing if today is Merkin day, Lee's a constant mainstay of blogging materials. I don't think we could blog about anything if that goofy schmuck didn't stick something on his head ever single Saturday. Heck I wouldn't even wake up before noon if it wasn't for Corso or the fact that I live in the CST and games start at 11 here. Stinking Daywalkers.


Jorts: They're just comfortable. We don't need all the pocket space of cargos. Just leave us alone.




Photoshop and MS Paint: Photoshop does what movies could never do to books. For instance what if I said " Hey, it would be hilarious if I drew a picture of a Spartan kicking Charlie Weis into a pit like in 300, " after MSU beat ND? You'd say "man that would be funny."

But it's nowhere near as funny as actually seeing it.

Or "Dude, Phil Fulmer and Mark Mangino should wrestle. That would be awesome."


Boom.

Infinitely funnier than me describing it. Thank God for people like LSUFreek that make said things come true.



*That's a lie.

Offered without comment

Wow.

You know it's the offseason when you have to start using yourself for material.

A Great Site

There is a great little site I've uncovered by BiggusRickus called Rice is Rolling Over in His Grave.

Basically BiggusRickus makes fun of poor writing in college football.

And that's awesome.

Because most of the professionals suck.