This week in pictures

Stolen from SI.com Verbatim. Really.

Gold Jerry Gold

Doug over at Hey Jenny Slater did an outstanding post on Undrafting the NFL
(Getting rid of current players to make your team better)



Some highlights if I may:


9. CINCINNATI BENGALS
The pick: WR Chad Johnson, Oregon State. Obviously, he doesn't want to be there. Cut him so the Redskins can sign him. I mean, so that your team morale improves. That's what I meant to say, team morale.



10. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
The pick: TE Jeremy Shockey, Miami (Fla.). No, they haven't actually signed the poster child for repressed homosexuality yet, but you just know they're gonna. Saints, I'm begging you to stop this danse macabre by pre-emptively un-signing this overrated thimbledick, thereby preventing him from douching up what otherwise looks like it could be a reasonably solid team going into 2008. Haven't the people of New Orleans suffered enough?




13. CAROLINA PANTHERS
The pick: WR Dwayne Jarrett, Southern Cal. I was really pissed when the Panthers drafted him last year rather than his USC teammate -- come on, Panthers, you're afraid of having two Steve Smiths on the roster? That could've been the source of some of the greatest misdirection plays in league history if only you'd given it a chance.


22. CLEVELAND BROWNS
The pick: QB Brady Quinn, Notre Dame. Everyone who thinks Brady Quinn will ever take a meaningful snap for the Browns, raise your hand. (Put your hand down, Brady.)

31. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
The pick: QB Tom Brady, Michigan; WR Wes Welker, Texas Tech; LB Tedy Bruschi, Arizona. As punishment for Spygate, the Pats’ control over the 31st overall pick is taken away and handed over to a three-judge panel consisting of Roger Goodell, me, and my friend Joe who’s a rabid Colts fan; the Patriots also get an additional first-round player taken away from them (and a third taken away solely because of Bill Simmons). These three players are dismissed as part of a tough-love social experiment to see if the Patriots’ legions of suspiciously recent fans will still support them if they don’t have any white players to cheer for.




And saving the best for last:


28. DALLAS COWBOYS
The pick: QBGF Jessica Simpson, J.J. Pearce High School. Yes, this is the obvious joke, but we all know Tony Romo’s brain barely has enough RAM to hold down simple tasks like handling a field-goal snap; even the most blinkered Cowboys fan out there can’t honestly think Chuckles is ever gonna win a playoff game as long as he’s got the added distraction of blond hair and an (admittedly spectacular) pair of tits following him around wherever he goes. Give J-Simp the heave-ho, set Romes up with a chick who looks more like Peter King, and give him a chance to spread his wings and fly, dammit!

The Audacity of Hope.

Things are hard now, my fellow Americans. There is no hope on the horizon. The BCS season has left us jaded and angry. Les Miles and his gorillas with chainsaws have pillaged the College Football world and left you with no passion. Ohio State has left you wanting again.

You've been fooled too long by the Hawaii's of this world. All cupcakes and no substance. You've been deceived by SEC speed. You're bitter that you've been left again with a top heavy Big East. You've failed to make a bowl despite the preseason ranking one time to many.

You've been lied to by the BCS and promised a true champion that you can believe in. Instead year in and year out you get controversy at every turn.

Small town colleges like West Virginia are clinging to their couch-burnings, internet fodder, coach suings to ease the pain.

Rules committees have gone on too long taking game time away from you, the deserving fans.

College football fans suffer while the rest of the world sits on their chaise lounges enjoying NBA Playoffs and baseball.

We do not have to live like this.

Where are the people that will stand for the rights of you, college football fans? Where is your champion? Where is your defender?

Let me tell you something, my friends.

Change is coming. Your champion is on his way.

Hope is on the horizon

In less than 130 days I promise you a change. A change we can all believe in.

I promise you that your Saturdays will not be empty voids any more.

I promise you that the fire in your heart that burns will be rekindled. The likes of Pete Carroll will be stoked to be on your screens again soon.

I promise that forty year old men will soon be on the sideline again defending players.

I promise you that Tim Tebow will rock the swamps of Florida and it will be heard throughout all the SEC.

I promise that Joe Paterno will continue to roam to and fro' in Happy Valley.

I promise that you will no longer have to assume what Lou Holtz will say, but that you will in fact hear him in his locker room talks.

I promise that Erin Andrews will be there to bring insight from half-time talks and adjustments.

I promise you that come August 30th we will have sweet victory.

I promise you that these games are coming on that day:

Michigan State at California
Illinois vs. Missouri (St. Louis)
USC at Virginia
Oklahoma State vs. Washington State
Tennessee at UCLA
Utah at Michigan
Kentucky at Louisville
Fresno State at Rutgers
Alabama vs. Clemson
Hawaii at Florida

When we win those games we'll move on to the next week and the next and then on to the next.

Come November the people will have spoken and new hope and change will have arisen.

I can promise that we will work together with ABC, CBS, ESPN, Fox Sports, B10N, VS. and CSTV to bring you the best Saturdays in America that we can bring.

My fellow Americans...

Hope is on the way.

We believe.
We believe.
We believe.

An excerpt from the Bowden Houlthz Q&A

Yesterday we reported that Bobby Bowden and Lou Holtz would be handling a Q&A at the FSU coaches clinic. We got ahold of an excerpt


Amato: Thanks for coming folks. We're taking questions from the audience with legendary coaches Bobby Bowden and Lou Holtz. I'm your moderater Chuck Amato.

Holtz: It's good to be here guys.

Bowden: We're really looking forward to your questions today, folks.

Amato: First Question, What has been the effect of the spread offense in today's game?

Bowden: ....

Holtz: ....

Bowden: Chuck, you're going to have to point at one of us because we can't see who you're looking at with those sunglasses on.

(Amato raises an eyebrow and points to Holtz)

Holtz: Well we never faced to much of that pesky thread in my day. Let me tell you about this one time at Notre Dame when we fac...

Bowden: Dadgumit Lou they didn't have the spread back then. Folks, the spread is a pretty tough little offense to defend nowadays. One of the main things you have to have is speed. With offenses taking up the space of the field that they do now you really need to have ends, linebackers, and a secondary that can cover lots of territory, and I mean cover it quickly. You gotta stop thinking positional and see your defense as player X who covers this man or area and adapt. You also have to start playing smart with hiding your safety play and where he lines up. That can make a huge change on how the spread is ran. Taking the clock away is also important with a spread offense. The best defense is a good offense in that situation... heh heh... you know what I mean.

Amato: Thanks coach. Next question. Coaches how do you feel that instant replay has changed the game so far?

Bowden: Well you really feel that when you instigate something like that some of these horribly bad calls are going to be put to rest. Then you get to a situation like Oklahoma had a few years back where replay had the perfect chance to save a bad call and they miss it. Other calls like that have been pretty bad. Those dadblasted Gators even got screwed a year or two back with a fumble call that should have been an incompletion. The point being that as long as it's run by humans it's still going to have faults.

Holtz: Let me tell you pardner, if we had had instant replay when I was Notre Dame we could have had 2 more championships.

Amato:...

Amato: ... Is that all Lou?

Holtz: Yep.

Amato: ... Another question then. Who's your pick for the National Champion this year, coaches?

Bowden: Clemson or Florida State..... haha just kidding guys. As always we expect this year to be competitive and it's always anybody's game. USC, OSU, and Oklahoma are always in the title mix and should be again this year. Everybody's favorite this year seems to Georgia. Mark's done a fine job, i say a fine job, up in Athens and he deserves every bit of credit he can get. He's my pick... behind the Seminoles of course.... (jokingly elbows Lou)

Holtz: Notre Dame Fighting Irish.

Amato: Lou, look I know you have a lot of loyalty to them an...

Holtz: THE Notre Dame Fighting Irish.

Amato: Lou, really, they're coming off a 3-9 season with a pretty inexperienced offensive line. I know there one of the greatest teams of history... but man they to lost Nav.....

Holtz: NBC's instant replay crew screwed us on that one.

Bowden: Us?

Holtz: I mean the Irish. Horribly

Amato: Moving on.... Chuck how did your chest get so bi...... Never mind. Next one up. Coaches, each of you have faced some strong controversies in your time as coaches. Coach Holtz you had the situation with the brawl at your final game on the sidelines. Coach Bowden you had to bench 30 players in your bowl game due to a cheating scandal. How do you deal with those.

Lou: We never had any trouble when I was at Notre Da....

Bobby: DADGUM IT LOU!!! CAN YOU TALK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN NOTRE DAME!!! YOU DON'T WORK THERE ANY MORE.

Chuck: Ummm can we get some water in here? One more question here... lets' see. Chuck, how do you have top defenses and top draft picks every year and NC State and still manage to fail miser....

Well that's all for today folks. Don't forget to pick up your packets in the back.