Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Meeting of the Minds

The transcript from the meeting of the BCS Commissioner in south Florida

Mike Tranghese - Big East
Dan Beebe - Big 12
Mike Slive - SEC
Kevin White - ND Athletic Director
John Swofford - ACC and BCS Commissioner
Thomas Hansen - Pac 10
Jim Delany - Big 10

JS: Hey guys thanks for getting together again this year. Great year all around for everybody. Mike nice championship. Two in a row for you.

MS: You're @#$% right nice year. The SEC rules all.

JS: Calm down, calm down... ok ok. Old Business?

KW: Yes. We talked last year about changing some of the revisions to get Notre Dame into the BCS more easily...

JS, MS, DB, JD, TH, MT: ... grumble grumble grumble.............

KW: ... well I think we need to change it more.

JS: Why the heck do we need to do that?

KW: Well we got left out this year.

DB: You guys won 3 games man... what do you expect?

KW: We're Notre Dame. We're the definition of...

JS: We'll talk about it later Kev.

KW: OK... but don't forget like last year.

JS: We won't. OK new business?

MT: I would like to make a motion. I want to kick out you, John, and Jim Delany

JD: What? Why?

JS: That's ridiculous Mike. Why would we do that?

MT: Well.... we're still pissy about the whole raid of Virginia Tech and Miami thing.

JS: Mike that was over five years ago man.

MT: And our only good coach left for Jim's league to Michigan

JD: That's not my fault.

MT: I don't care. I'm tired of sucking. We've sucked for too long. It's somebody else's turn to start sucking for a while. Why not the Big 10. They've sucked up their last four BCS appearances. Or the Big XII We beat OU. Yeah let Dan for a while now. He's the rookie.

JS: It doesn't work like that. Maybe y'all need to get some more competitive teams. Kevin, I don't get why you guys can't just join up like in the other sports.

KW: We're Notre Dame. We don't need a league. We'd dominate the East. No question.

MT: Y'all sucked last year. We won our BCS game against Oklahoma. You won three games and lost to Navy for the first time in forever.

JS: OK we'll talk about that one later to guys. Let's talk about the elephant in the room.


All: ... ... ...

JS: Come on guys you have to talk about it this year. They said we would and I have to say something to the reporters.

Jim, Thomas have y'all made any head way.

JD: #$@$#%$#% you and #@$%$%$ your @$#@$% playoffs. Rose Bowl or bust &^%^*%.

TH: Yeah. What he said!

DB: Guys come on you have to at least talk to us about this... why not?

TH: The Rose Bowl stays. It is the Grand Daddy of them all.

DB: Look guys, I know you hate losing the match up but we all have to at one point or another. It's just part of the deal. We didn't get to be in the Fiesta Bowl for two years there. It's just a part of trying to find the best teams.

JD: The Pac 10 and the Big 10 are the best teams.

MS: Y'all have two championships this decade guys.

TH: 2003 counts.

MS: Like heck it does. LSU won that fair and square.

TH: The AP says otherwise.

MS: The AP also has Pitt ranked before the start of the season

MT: Hey!!! What's wrong with that!

DB: Shut up Big Least.

JS: Calm down calm down guys. Come on. Now look. This is why we have to figure this out. All the arguing and fighting has to stop. We set up a solid system and this stuff goes away.

KW: I'll only accept a plus-one/playoff if ND is guauranteed an invite.

JS: We can't do that Kevin.

KW: Why?

JS: Is it fair if we invite a 0-12 Notre Dame over a 12-0 Boise State?

DB and KW: Yes!!!

KW: Dan... why do you care.... oh yeah. Forgot about that.

DB: Shutup.

JS: Stop it all of you. Am I going to have to call Myles again.

All: No sir.

JS: Good. Now seriously. We've got to decide on something. We're taking too much heat.


I need you guys to be serious and help us out here. We're going to have to be serious here and have some intelligent discussion. Playoffs. ABC. Rose Bowl. Breakup.

JD, TH: (begin singing) We shall be free.... We shall be free. So stand straight, Walk proud, 'Cause we shall be free.

(JS begins crying quietly)

DB: How about we keep the Rose Bowl and the match up, but just make it a part of the playoffs?

JD: The Rose Bowl is the MNC each year.

MS: No it's not, man. It hosts the MNC game once every four years like every other Bowl.

JD: No it's the MNC.

TH: He's right.

JS: (wiping his tears and speaking through a broken voice) Let's just bump it to next year.



JD: Anything else wainch?

NH: Yeah got got something else to say?

JS: No. Good meeting.... See you guys.... sniff... sob... next year.

(Delaney and Hansen slap each other on the back and walk out for a night of bar hopping and loose living. Swofford curls into a ball continues crying.)

KW: Wait what about the BCS and the...

MT: Not this year man... next year maybe... next year.

DB: Are all the meetings like this?

MS: Well a lot of them involve some fighting so this was a relatively good one.

MT: You get used to the crying after a few years.

No comments: