Coaching cliches

The game speed lacked intensity. We really wanted to get people in leadership positions, but we beat ourselves out there today. We've got to quit making mental mistakes and begin playing as one team.

Coaches say the darndest things... no really, they do. Coachspeak has been around as long as we can remember and it is about as productive and informative as an ESPN blip.

Detroit News did their take... here's ours

1. "The offense is ahead of the defense right now (or vice-versa)."

As opposed to, "We're pretty well deadlocked. The offense can't score on the defense and the defense can't stop the offense."

2. "(Insert name here) has really bought into our off-season conditioning program."

As opposed to all those players who don't want playing time.

3. "We're trying to bring in a new attitude," or, "We're all business this spring."

I want to hear a coach say, "Well... we pretty much ruled everybody last year... and we really want to do that again this year.... So we're keeping the same ole' attitude. If it ain't broke don't fix it."

4. "There is no depth chart; every position is open."

Says the same guy that wiled a recruit in by promising him a starting position his true freshman year. Word.

5. "The intensity level of practices will increase as we try to get our players adjusted to game speed."

Game Speed. Intensity. Two of my favorite phrases. Game speed basically mean that you get run full speed like you would hope in a game and intensity just means you hit hard. So basically we want people to hit hard and run fast as we practice more. Got it. Thanks coach.

6. We beat ourselves out there today.

I screwed the pooch. I should have gone for it on 4th down The kids missed their blocks and dropped the balls. We're screw ups.

7. We didn't have an answer for (insert play/player) here

Somehow, despite video and a weeks worth of practice we still let them run the same play repetitively and they continued to get away with it. My bad.

7. We know that they're having a down year but they're still dangerous

I want a coach to walk out and say, "Man we just really plan on reaming them left and right. I mean a good ole fashion butt kicking." Screw the whole respect thing. Tell your team that you plan on beating them by 50 and taking them out for pizza and snow cones afterwards.